What a Fucking Year

What a fucking year.

During the last month of the year I always tend to reflect on all the happenings of the 11 months before.

Recently a friend sent me a quote, “December is a portal of completion. We are finally closing out all of the lessons and healing work of 2018 and beyond. A lot of people will experience big endings this month with beautiful new beginnings on the horizon. Closing chapters forever is a beautiful thing.”

I don’t know about you but 2018 hasn’t been the easiest year for me.

At the beginning of the year (just like every other) I am excited and looking forward to what newness it will all bring, and excited to leave all that had happened to me the previous year behind. I finally felt like I was in a healthy place with my relationship to food, exercise and myself after having so many problems in 2017 with competing in a bikini show, losing my period, becoming orthorexic for a short period of time and binge eating issues. I finally felt ready to pick up and work hard in the gym and get my goals back on track.

After a good amount of consistency St. Patrick’s Day was here and I was feeling so happy with my programming, food choices, and life. Unfortunately that night as I was walking to my bar job, I was hit by a car, legally crossing the street. Even though I was able to walk away from the accident, it left me in pretty bad shape with pains and damage that is still affecting me to this day.

For the past 9 months I have been heavily invested in rehabbing both my neck and hip, and really focusing on getting stronger and developing new abilities in those areas that have been temporarily disadvantaged.

This is a huge focus of mine right now because when 2019 comes along I have some pretty big goals when it comes to my athleticism and physical abilities.

I have only ever focused on working out to look good or to get on stage for a bodybuilding competition, but as I get older and understand who I want to be my outlook is changing.

I no longer want to work out to look good, I want to develop specific skills that allow me to live my best life so that I can contribute to society and help those I love. Most importantly I want to challenge myself in new and different ways.

As I continue to focus on healing, it will be a lifelong journey, I am looking forward to my plans for 2019 when it comes to my health and fitness goals.

In 2019 I plan to:

  1. Compete in my first Spartan race: I am very nervous but also excited, I hate running, like a lot. In fact it has always been my joke that if you see me running then you better start running too because that means something REAL bad is chasing me. Well I guess that statement could still be true seeing that I am sprinting away from being the same person that I have believed myself to be for so long.

  2. Self Coach through another bikini show: I have this passion for competing in bodybuilding, and I honestly can’t really put my finger on why or what keeps me coming back. I haven’t made many friends doing it, it’s expensive as fuck, and I HATE getting dolled up and doing all that posing. The one thing I do love, however, is the way that the training teaches me how to live in the moment and the scientific eye that it takes for me to alter my body in such a way.

  3. Become more athletic: I’d be lying if I said that I never dreamed of being an athlete. I always wanted to be athletic, tough, and a competitor. Maybe this next year I will find my athletic calling as I plan on trying a while bunch of new activities.

Everyday is an opportunity to start over and work for the things that you have always wanted.

Every week is a new period of time to get your shit straight.

Every month is the chance to make some big changes.

Every year is a new year that can and does change the course of the rest of your life.

Be realistic but fierce in your quest for greatness.